Before the Interview
"Your manners are always under examination-awarding or denying you very high prizes when you least think of it."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The invitation
The invitation will probably be by telephone. Check your calendar and answer while the host is on the line. In most cases, illness, an exam or another interview are the only reasons for not accepting a meal invitation from a potential employer. Be sure to tell the host why you cannot accept if you cannot, and tell her/him you would be interested in scheduling another date.
In some cases, the invitation might be offered by the interviewer's secretary. If so, make the arrangements with her/him, just as you would with the interviewer.
If, for any reason, this or any other invitation is offered by mail, return the invitation in kind. That means you should write a note in reply. If the letter gives other instructions as to how to respond, e.g., call me at the office on Wednesday afternoon, of course you should follow these instructions.
Arrival
Either be on time or arrive a few minutes early. Wait in the vestibule of the dining establishment, never in the lounge. When the host arrives, approach her/him. As you shake hands, repeat her/his name and give a firm handshake. If there is more than one company representative, your host will introduce them. Shake hands one by one in the order that you meet them. Try to repeat their names as you shake hands. Remember, the most beautiful sound in the world to anyone is the sound of their own name.
At the Table
"If she can't say anything good about someone, then sit her here by me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
When you arrive at the table, your host will indicate where (s)he would like you to sit. In most cases, (s)he will gesture or choose a seat for her/himself. If your host is a woman, you do not hold her chair for her. When your host begins to sit, you do the same.
As soon as you sit down, open your napkin fully and place it on your lap. The purpose of the napkin is to catch any falling food so that your clothes stay clean. If it's not completely open, it doesn't serve its purpose.
If you leave the table temporarily, place your napkin on your chair. When you are finished with your meal and are ready to leave, place your napkin, unfolded, on the table in front of you. Don't place your napkin on the table while others are eating. Wait for your host(ess) to signal that the meal is finished.
Place Settings
"Life was my oyster, until I used the wrong fork."
- Oscar Wilde
Why are there so many pieces of silver, anyway? And why bother to learn when to use what? The answer to both is "for your dining pleasure." The right utensil, used with the appropriate food, both teases and satisfies the palate with the taste of outstanding food. Knowing when to use the utensils tends to make you less self-conscious and more relaxed, enabling you to enjoy yourself, your meal, and your company -- the true purpose of a social meal.
In a formal place setting, there are three forks to the left and three knives and a soup spoon to the right of the plate. Above the forks is the bread and butter plate with the butter knife lying across the upper edge of the plate. A dessert fork, identical in shape to an entrée fork but smaller, and a dessert spoon, identical to a teaspoon but larger, are above the plate.
Such a place setting originated in Europe, where our customs began. European settings remain the most formal and demonstrate the more unusual utensils and placement. Much more common, and the type you will probably see at lunch, is a setting with two forks on the left, one knife and two spoons on the right.
The salad fork, with a shorter handle and wider tine base, is furthest to the left. The entrée fork, which is the largest, is next to the plate. To the right of the plate is the knife, used both for the salad and for the entrée. To the right of the knife usually is a soup spoon, noted by the rounded bowl of the utensil. Further to the right is a spoon used for appetizers -- a fruit cup, for example. The butter knife, set on a small plate above the forks, has a small handle and a small flat blade, rounder at the tip.
Depending on the restaurant and the occasion of the meal, the number and placement of the silverware will differ slightly.
Relax! Once you know the most formal of place settings, it will be easier to adjust to any of them, especially since there is a foolproof rule in your favor: It is (almost) always proper to use the silverware from the outside in. In other words, use the fork/knife/spoon furthest from the plate and continue working toward the plate with each course. Using silverware from the outside in helps you to use the correct utensil at the right time, regardless of the circumstances.
For example: In rare circumstances in the U.S., but more commonly in the home of someone from Europe or in most countries in Europe, the salad fork is closest to the plate in each place setting. The reason for this is custom. Salad used to be served after the main course, even in the U.S. That way the acid in the salad dressing, such as vinegar or lemon, did not interfere with wines always served with European meals. In the 1950s, people on the West coast of the U.S. began serving salad before meals, citing time to digest the salad greens before dessert as the purpose of the change. Whatever the reason, the custom spread -- and so did the position of the salad fork. It is in such circumstances that you would only need to know to use the silverware from the outside in. The waiter knows where to place the fork originally.
Note: If you order something which requires a special utensil, such as little-neck clams on the half shell, the special fork will be served with the course. However, a business lunch is not the time to experiment with new and different courses!
The Silverware Speaks
"Fate cannot harm me -- I have dined today."
- Sydney Smith
It is very likely that you will want to pause and converse during the meal. Just as the location of the silverware tells you what to do with your utensils, the way you place your silverware during the meal tells the waiter what (s)he should do. However, you need not memorize the silverware's placement. Your waitperson will check with you at different times during your meal.
It is beneficial to know that when you lay down your utensils, whether it is your knife while you eat from your fork, or both your utensils together, it is proper to keep the silverware entirely on the plate. If you want to rest or speak, lay down your utensils with the tips of your fork (tines down) and knife crossed in the middle of the plate. The tines face 2 o'clock and the blade of the knife, edge toward you, faces 10 o'clock. When you have completely finished with a course, place the knife and fork on the rim of the plate, parallel to each other, both facing 10 o'clock.
Of course, the more you practice using and placing the silverware, the easier it will be for you. Remember, though, that just as it is with any etiquette education, this information is a guideline, not a rule etched in stone.
"Don't cut the butler!"
Most dining etiquette guidelines began for practical reasons. For example, the blade of the knife faces the diner when placed on a plate during or after a course. This practice began in England when the lord of the manor used what we see as a butcher knife to cut the roast or leg of meat set in front of him. If the sharp edge was not facing the diner when it was set down, the butler, reaching to clear the table, would literally slice his arm as it passed the knife's blade. If someone placed his knife incorrectly, he was admonished with, "Don't cut the butler!" While there is slight chance of wait staff being injured by a knife today, the practice is still considered good etiquette.
Handling inedible edibles
Take them out of your mouth the same way you put them in. You eat an olive from your salad with a salad fork. You take the pit out with a fork. You eat a grape with your fingers. You take the seeds out into your hand. The exception is fish bones. They usually enter the mouth on a fork. They are always removed with the fingers. Safety overrules etiquette.
Beverages
While others might order a glass of wine with lunch, don't even think about it! It will be another thing to be concerned about. More importantly, an interviewer cannot fault you for not drinking. Stay with soda, flavored spring water, iced tea or anything else non-alcoholic.
Women take note: Before drinking anything, pat your lipstick with your napkin to avoid any kind of stain on your glass. Both men and women: Wipe your mouth with your napkin before drinking to make sure no food particles float in the beverage. And don't drink with your mouth full.
Note: In a formal place setting where wines are part of each course, glasses are placed above the knives and are for, from left to right: water, red wine, white wine, and champagne.
When you're in a non-interview situation, you might want wine to complement your meal. If so, the waiter will remove any unnecessary wine glasses and make certain that the proper glass remains for you to use. If you should choose to have more wine as the meal progresses, the waiter will bring the appropriate glasses to you automatically. So while it is comforting to recognize wine glasses when you see them, their specific and proper usage is left to the completely knowledgeable wait staff.
There is a secret to holding wine glasses that you might want to use: If you are drinking white wine, hold the glass by the stem. If it is red wine, hold the glass by the bottom of the goblet. The reasons are practical ones. White wine is served more chilled than red: holding the glass by the stem helps it to remain chilled. Red wine is served warmer than white: the heat of your hand around the goblet will not diminish the wine's bouquet.
During the Meal
Ordering
Order a first course only if asked to do so specifically or if your host indicates (s)he is having a first course. Order something moderately priced unless your host indicates otherwise. Do not order the least expensive meal; it is considered a slight to the host. Stay with something relatively easy to eat. Don't take forever deciding on your choice. Just think: If what to eat is a difficult decision, how will you make other decisions once you're in the company?
When to begin
If both meals come at once, wait for your host(ess) to begin. If they come at separate times, the rule of thumb is: hold if it's cold, not if it's hot. Your host will probably urge you to start if you have soup and (s)he is waiting for cold shrimp. If (s)he doesn't encourage you, then wait. You are not there to eat after all, are you?
A word about complaining: DON'T!
The check
This is one of those rare occasions that you needn't be concerned with any part of the bill. You are the guest. Don't look at the bill. Don't ask questions. Just say, "Thank you."
The follow-up
Write a thank you note within 24-48 hours of the interview. Print it on resume-quality paper with a matching envelope. Thank the person for the lunch and the opportunity to spend time with her or him.
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