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Do you feel safe right now?

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Department of Public Safety

Emergency response, safety planning, accommodations, No Contact Orders, recording reports, campus and community-based transportation

go/dps

125 South Main Street

Not Confidential

MiddSafe Confidential Advocates

Free and confidential support, information, referrals, and advocacy from trained Middlebury students. A 24-hour student-run hotline is available when undergraduate classes are in session on the Middlebury, Vermont, campus.

go/middsafe

(802) 377-0239

Confidential

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Middlebury Police Department

1 Lucius Shaw Ln
Middlebury, VT 05753

(802) 388-3191

Not Confidential

Vermont State Police

2490 Ethan Allen Hwy
New Haven, VT 05472

(802) 388-4919

Not Confidential

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Counseling Service of Addison County (CSAC)

24/7 support for all community members

89 Main Street
Middlebury, VT 05753

Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Counseling Support Line

(855) 465-5013 or call Counseling and follow voicemail prompts. Available 24/7/365 whenever the Parton counseling office is closed (evenings and weekends)

go/parton

  • (802) 443-5141 (press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours)

Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Does this resource feel right to you?

MiddSafe Confidential Advocates

Free and confidential support, information, referrals, and advocacy from trained Middlebury students. A 24-hour student-run hotline is available when undergraduate classes are in session on the Middlebury, Vermont, campus.

go/middsafe

(802) 377-0239

Confidential

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

If this resource isn't working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network

A nationwide partnership of more than 1,100 local rape treatment hotlines provides survivors with free, confidential services around the clock. RAINN can transfer callers to local hotlines and shelters closest to their current location. There is also a chat function available on their website.

www.rainn.org

Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

It is important to reach out for support.

There are many faculty and staff members who are available to listen and support you. Family members and friends can also be an important part of your support network. It might be helpful to discuss this network with the faculty and staff members listed below:

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

Counseling Support Line

(855) 465-5013 or call Counseling and follow voicemail prompts. Available 24/7/365 whenever the Parton counseling office is closed (evenings and weekends)

go/parton

  • (802) 443-5141 (press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours)

Confidential

College Chaplains

For individuals of all faiths and beliefs

Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Does this resource feel right to you?

College Chaplains

For individuals of all faiths and beliefs

Confidential

If this resource isn’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Emergency Medical Fund

Please contact your Commons dean for more information.

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Does this resources feel right to you?

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Vermont Economic Services Division

Emergency help to meet basic needs for health insurance, child care, food and fuel assistance

(800) 479-6151

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Does this resource feel right to you?

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

Residential Life

Your commons’s Commons Residential Director (CRD), First-Year Counselor (FYC), Resident Assistant (RA), Community Assistant (CA)

go/commons

Not Confidential

Administration Committee

The Administration Committee hears requests from students and faculty for exceptions to academic policies.

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Department of Public Safety

Emergency response, safety planning, accommodations, No Contact Orders, recording reports, campus and community-based transportation

go/dps

125 South Main Street

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Middlebury Police Department

1 Lucius Shaw Ln
Middlebury, VT 05753

(802) 388-3191

Not Confidential

Vermont State Police

2490 Ethan Allen Hwy
New Haven, VT 05472

(802) 388-4919

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

It is completely normal to feel unsure.

We hope that you will consider contacting a MiddSafe Confidential Advocate in person or through our 24/7 hotline while classes are in session at 802-377-0239. We are here to listen and help you find resources that feel right to you. You may also refer to the “Resources” tab at the top of each page for a list of contacts that can provide support.

Are you experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm?

We care deeply and want to help.

There are many resources that can help you deal with whatever you are experiencing right now. We hope you will reach out to a resource that feels right to you.

Please consider seeking support:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Counseling Support Line

(855) 465-5013 or call Counseling and follow voicemail prompts. Available 24/7/365 whenever the Parton counseling office is closed (evenings and weekends)

go/parton

  • (802) 443-5141 (press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours)

Confidential

MiddSafe Confidential Advocates

Free and confidential support, information, referrals, and advocacy from trained Middlebury students. A 24-hour student-run hotline is available when undergraduate classes are in session on the Middlebury, Vermont, campus.

go/middsafe

(802) 377-0239

Confidential

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

Department of Public Safety

Emergency response, safety planning, accommodations, No Contact Orders, recording reports, campus and community-based transportation

go/dps

125 South Main Street

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Counseling Service of Addison County (CSAC)

24/7 support for all community members

89 Main Street
Middlebury, VT 05753

Confidential

Porter Medical Center

SANE exam, STD testing, evidence collection, injury triage, hospital resources

115 Porter Drive
Middlebury, VT 05753

(802) 388-4701

Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Counseling Support Line

(855) 465-5013 or call Counseling and follow voicemail prompts. Available 24/7/365 whenever the Parton counseling office is closed (evenings and weekends)

go/parton

  • (802) 443-5141 (press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours)

Confidential

MiddSafe Confidential Advocates

Free and confidential support, information, referrals, and advocacy from trained Middlebury students. A 24-hour student-run hotline is available when undergraduate classes are in session on the Middlebury, Vermont, campus.

go/middsafe

(802) 377-0239

Confidential

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

Department of Public Safety

Emergency response, safety planning, accommodations, No Contact Orders, recording reports, campus and community-based transportation

go/dps

125 South Main Street

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Counseling Service of Addison County (CSAC)

24/7 support for all community members

89 Main Street
Middlebury, VT 05753

Confidential

Porter Medical Center

SANE exam, STD testing, evidence collection, injury triage, hospital resources

115 Porter Drive
Middlebury, VT 05753

(802) 388-4701

Confidential

Middlebury Police Department

1 Lucius Shaw Ln
Middlebury, VT 05753

(802) 388-3191

Not Confidential

Vermont State Police

2490 Ethan Allen Hwy
New Haven, VT 05472

(802) 388-4919

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

It can be upsetting to see a friend struggling or in pain.

Providing support to someone who has experienced sexual or relationship violence is no different. These violations can take away people’s sense of power and leave them feeling helpless. Offering gentle, consistent, and nonjudgmental friendship and support can alleviate the strong and confusing emotions your friend or partner may feel.

Regardless of your own knowledge or experience with sexual or relationship violence, you can play a key role in supporting survivors and restoring their sense of control.

You can:

  • Help her focus on her strengths.
  • Provide a safe place for them to explore their emotions.
  • Reinforce that no one is responsible for being assaulted, stalked, or abused.
  • Reassure him that he has the right to any and all of his feelings, even those that are conflicting or confusing.
  • Identify professional resources for additional support.

What would be most helpful in addressing concerns you have?

Friends can serve an important role.

Friends can identify and help survivors connect voluntarily with appropriate resources. Unfortunately, you also may find yourself in situations in which you are sufficiently concerned about your friend’s well-being that you need to seek help with or without your friend’s permission. If your friend or partner is in danger, either from others or from themselves, you must reach out to a trained professional.

Examples of emergencies:

  • Any situation in which immediate danger or threat is present
  • A serious flashback or dissociative episode
  • Suicidal thoughts, with a plan and/or the means
  • Threats of harming others or property, with a plan and/or the means
  • Stalking concerns, no matter how mild the stalking action appears to be

Are you concerned that you or your friend are experiencing an emergency?

Call Public Safety (802-443-5911) or the police (911) immediately.

If you can, also get in touch with your friend’s or your own Commons dean (see below for contact information). In cases where your friend has a plan to commit suicide, in addition to contacting Public Safety (802-443-5911), you may also contact the 24-hour hotline at the Counseling Service of Addison County (802-388-7641) and Counseling at Parton Center for Health and Wellness (802-443-5141, and press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours). If you are conflicted about whether or not the situation counts as an emergency, err on the side of caution and reach out for professional help.

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

If safety is a concern, call for help.

If you are conflicted about whether or not the situation counts as an emergency, err on the side of caution and reach out for professional help. In any unsafe situations, call Public Safety (802-443-5911) or the police (911) immediately. If you can, also get in touch with your friend’s or your own Commons dean (see below for contact information). In cases where your friend has a plan to commit suicide, in addition to contacting Public Safety (802-443-5911), you may also contact the 24-hour hotline at the Counseling Service of Addison County (802-388-7641) and Counseling at Parton Center for Health and Wellness (802-443-5141, and press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours).

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

Examples of nonemergent, but concerning, situations:

  • Your friend is using coping mechanisms that concern you but do not seem immediately life threatening.
  • You are worried your friend may be in an abusive relationship, but you aren’t sure.
  • Your friend is missing classes, isolating themselves, eating poorly, or acting in ways that concern you.
  • Your friend is suffering from the trauma of sexual violence and needs more support from you than you are able to provide.

In situations like these, there are confidential and non confidential resources to provide information, help you navigate the complexities of caring for your friend, and assist you with determining if and when you need to take additional steps to support your friend’s safety.

Are you interested in exploring these resources:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

Counseling Support Line

(855) 465-5013 or call Counseling and follow voicemail prompts. Available 24/7/365 whenever the Parton counseling office is closed (evenings and weekends)

go/parton

  • (802) 443-5141 (press 1 to be connected to a counselor if it is after hours)

Confidential

MiddSafe Confidential Advocates

Free and confidential support, information, referrals, and advocacy from trained Middlebury students. A 24-hour student-run hotline is available when undergraduate classes are in session on the Middlebury, Vermont, campus.

go/middsafe

(802) 377-0239

Confidential

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Commons Dean

Dean's excuses, room changes, holistic institutional support

go/commons

Not Confidential

Residential Life

Your commons’s Commons Residential Director (CRD), First-Year Counselor (FYC), Resident Assistant (RA), Community Assistant (CA)

go/commons

Not Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Do any of these resources feel right to you?

WomenSafe

Confidential 24-hour support, information, referrals, and advocacy for community member of all genders and sexual orientations

www.womensafe.net

(802) 388-4205

Confidential

Counseling Service of Addison County (CSAC)

24/7 support for all community members

89 Main Street
Middlebury, VT 05753

Confidential

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Understanding Trauma

Survivors may experience and exhibit a wide variety of reactions as a result of the physical and psychological impact of trauma. A survivor’s decisions, actions and feelings may appear counterintuitive and illogical when considered in the context of what we might expect under “normal” circumstances. However, when the impact and effects of trauma are taken into account, these decisions, actions, and feelings may be completely logical and understandable. This may be confusing both to the survivor and to you. Although some responses are commonly seen, there is no reaction to sexual violence that is “normal” or “abnormal.”

Common reactions

  • Shock, confusion
  • Memory loss or trouble accessing memories
  • Depression
  • Hypervigilance
  • Mistrust of self and others
  • Shame, guild, self-blame
  • Anxiety
  • Isolation
  • Anger
  • Denial, minimization, attempt to “normalize” their experience
  • Physical manifestations of distress: shaking, nausea, loss of appetite, etc.

Survivors also may experience flashbacks, nightmares, frightening thoughts, sleep disturbances, emotional numbness, and/or irritability.

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Listen and Believe

Active listening is an important skill when helping a friend or partner who is a survivor of sexual violence. Think about a time when you needed support, and recall someone who listened to you in a way that made you feel “heard.” How did they do that?

Do

  • Believe, no matter how strange, upsetting, or unlikely the events may seem.
  • Accept and honor her emotions, without judgment.
  • Be honest. You may not “understand,” but you can empathize and care.
  • Reflect. The only way to ensure that you understand is to ask. Try something like “It seems like you are feeling . . .” and “Do you mean . . .?”
  • Allow them to define their experience on their own terms. Imposing labels or definitions takes away their right to make sense of their experience for themselves.
  • Affirm the things he is doing right, such as reaching out to you. For example, you could say, “Anything you’ve done so far is the right thing, because you are here, and you are talking to me.”
  • Meet her wherever she is in her process of healing, understanding, willingness to talk, or asking for help. Her needs will shift over time; remain flexible and present.
  • Thank them for trusting you and respect their privacy by keeping the information confidential. If your friend has shared their experience with others, ask permission before having conversations about your friend with others.

Avoid

  • Suggesting how he should feel—for example, indicating that he should feel more outraged or that he should calm down.
  • Advice that begins with “Don’t.”
  • Trying to “fix” or “rescue” her. Instead, support her in charting her own path.
  • “Investigating” or probing for more information than your friend is willing or able to share. Avoid “why?” questions, as they can imply blame.

If these resources aren’t working for you, would you like to:

Taking Care of Yourself

It is extremely difficult to watch someone you care about deal with sexual violence, abuse, or stalking, and it is likely to take an emotional and mental toll on you. These feelings are normal, but they can be difficult to navigate while you also are trying to be a supportive friend or partner.

Things you may feel:

  • Shock and disbelief
  • Rage and helplessness
  • Fear for the survivor’s safety or health
  • Preoccupation with the event and its aftermath
  • Loss of security and trust
  • Confusion about the survivor’s responses and needs
  • Guilt or responsibility for your friend’s experience
  • Anger at your friend, at the assailant, or at others around you

It is just as important to care for yourself in times of stress as it is to care for others and to seek support from someone you trust. It is also important to acknowledge your own limits. While you may care deeply for your friend and may be compelled by their trust in you, you are not a trained counselor. We all want to extend ourselves beyond our normal limits when someone is in crisis, but when doing so begins to compromise your own ability to function or leads you into situations for which you are not trained, no one is well served. In these situations, it is best to be honest with yourself and your friend.

We hope you will consider exploring resources for yourself to support you in the process of helping your friend.

Would you like to learn more about: